A Stitch in Time
by TDWidow
Summary: When will the Weasley twins learn to stop experimenting on themselves? When their latest invention goes haywire, Fred and George meet some very interesting people they definitely didn’t expect. MASH crossover. COMPLETE!
1. Back in Time and Space

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** Welcome to my latest story of weirdness! Yes, it is a crossover, and yes it will be crazy. I do hope you enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER** Don't own Fred or George or their family or really anything else in this story. It all belongs to other people.

…

The sign in the door of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes read "Closed." The store's twin proprietors, 20-year-old Fred and George Weasley, were going through the closing motions before heading off to their apartment in Hogsmeade.

It was only a short time before the money was counted and the doors were locked. It was time to go home. After the security charms were placed, the identical twins disappeared with a loud crack and the store was left dark.

The two reappeared in their living room. Traveling had become so much easier after they'd become licensed to apparate. "Home sweet home!" Fred said appreciatively.

"Mmhmm," George agreed. He paused a moment before, "I'm going to work on something." He left for his bedroom.

"Remember we have an hour before we have to leave!" Fred called to the empty door. "If we're late again, we're dead!"

"Okay!" came the muffled reply.

Fred shook his head. He and George were normally so close, but lately George had been keeping very much to himself. He spent most of the time in his closed bedroom, not talking about what he was doing. This was the first time in their life that the twins hadn't shared a bedroom, which was hard enough without George's secrecy.

The apartment was nearing a state of disaster. Fred idly began cleaning, flicking his wand and sending objects soaring to wherever they were supposed to be. His mind wandered, musing over the things that had changed.

He and George were making a killing with their shop and had finally achieved some form of independence. Hogwarts was a fond but distant memory. The wizarding world had fought its most savage and brutal war in history and won. Fred desperately tried not to think of the war, burying the memories deep though it had only been the year before.

It was hard to believe that the Weasleys were almost done at Hogwarts. Ginny was due to leave for the beginning of her seventh and final year of school within the week. The family was so proud of her.

Fred glanced at his watch – down to twenty minutes. "George!"

"What?"

"Twenty minutes!"

"I'll be ready Fred, don't worry!"

Fred just shrugged, then went to change out of his business robes.

George was ready on time just as promised. He locked his bedroom behind him, piquing Fred's interest.

"What are you working on?" Fred asked.

"Nothing."

Fred glared at his twin and sighed. "Fine. Let's go." George just grinned. In the blink of an eye, the twins disappeared.

…

The bedroom was small, considering that it had, for years, housed two boys and was the site of innumerable experiments of pranks. The two beds were untouched and the few Quidditch posters were the only wall decorations. Various moving photographs sat framed on shelves and bureaus.

One such photograph was placed in a position of prominence in the center of a shelf. The two identical boys who shared the room waved and grinned. They were surrounded by a smaller boy with unruly black hair, a tall brown-haired boy, and three girls: two dark-skinned and one blonde. The inscription on the frame read, "1994 Quidditch Cup – Gryffindor."

With a loud crack, Fred and George apparated into their old bedroom in the Burrow. With barely a glance around, they bounded down the stairs into the kitchen. "We're here, Mum!"

"Hello boys!" Molly Weasley gathered her twin sons in a quick hug. "Come sit down to dinner. For once, you're not late."

Fred and George grinned at each other and sat down at their usual places at the dinner table. Their siblings gathered as well and Arthur Weasley took his place at the head of the table.

"Thank you, good Lord, for my family. Thank you for Molly and Ron and Ginny and Fred and George and Bill." His voice caught. "Please take care of Charlie and Percy for us and let them know that we miss them very much."

The Weasleys never used to say grace. But when the war on Voldemort had claimed the lives of Charlie and Percy Weasley, Arthur and Molly felt the need to do something in order to feel close to them. The family was quiet for a moment, thinking of their lost brothers and sons.

Finally, Molly spoke. "Well, let's eat!" Although the moment was broken, thoughts of Charlie and Percy still lingered.

"Ron, how's your job at the Ministry?" Bill asked.

Ron nodded, meaning good, until he swallowed a mouthful of food. "It's great! The Department of Magical Games and Sports is just where I wanted to work. And there's plenty of time for professional Quidditch later." He grinned.

"Oh Quidditch!" George said nostalgically. "How we miss you!"

"Well if you hadn't been fighting…" Molly grumbled.

"Aw Mum, he deserved it!" George said.

"Besides," Fred added. "That overgrown slug would have found some other way to kick us off anyway."

Molly fixed her twin sons with a glare, but didn't say another word. She shared their opinion of Hogwarts' temporary former Headmistress Dolores Umbridge.

Dinner passed quickly in the Burrow that night. Molly and Arthur had become more withdrawn since the war, as had Ron. And the more Fred thought about it, the more worried about George's secrecy he became. They were identical twins. They were best friends. Secrets did not exist between them.

Fred was uneasy all evening. He kissed his mother goodnight, bid goodbye to his father and siblings, and left the Burrow feeling far too troubled.

…

The twins apparated into their living room. Fred decided to confront his brother about all the secrets. But before he could open his mouth, George grinned at him mischievously. "I have a surprise for you!"

He dashed into his room and came out with something hidden behind his back. Fred craned his neck, trying to see what he was hiding. "No, no, dear brother," George scolded. "Wouldn't want to ruin the surprise." He snickered. "Close your eyes."

"Bloody Hell, George!" Fred rolled his eyes.

"Uh-uh! Close 'em."

Fred grumbled and reluctantly shut his eyes. Pulling the object from behind his back, George let it swing on its chain. "Okay."

Fred got quite a shock when he saw what George was holding. "No way!" He gazed intently as the small object swung gently. "How in Merlin's name did you get a Time Turner?" George just grinned. "Never mind, I don't want to know." Fred grinned just like his brother. But when he reached out to touch it, George pulled it away.

"No, no, no!" He said urgently. "I wouldn't touch that if I were you!"

"Why not?"

Fred recognized the look in George's eye from a mile away. It was very often in his own eye as well. George was so excited that he was trembling. "I bewitched it!"

Waiting for his brother to continue, Fred was quiet. "Well?" he asked finally. "How?"

"I made it a portkey!"

"You did not!" Fred's eyes lit up dangerously. "I thought you could only turn Muggle things into portkeys?"

George shrugged. "The spell seemed to work. It didn't say anything about being restricted to Muggle things." He shook the chain and it swayed gently. His eyes were absolutely glowing. "Should we try it out?"

Fred thought about it for all of two seconds. "No time like the present!"

"I set it to go in one minute."

Fred felt around in his pocket for his wand. "All set."

The twins both put their hands around the hourglass. After a minute had gone by, the portkey pulled at every pore in their bodies, centering in a hook behind their navels, as they felt themselves hurtling through time and space. The quick journey ended and dumped the twins unceremoniously on the ground.

George sat up and looked around. "Uh-oh."

Fred blinked. "Mum's gonna kill us."


	2. Forward in a Combat Zone

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** Thank you for all the lovely reviews! I do heart reviews. Here is the next chapter for your fanfictioning pleasure. The characters from MASH will enter in chapter three.  
Sorry this chapter's so short. The next one will be longer!

**DISCLAIMER** Don't own them.

…

"Mum's gonna kill us," Fred repeated, surveying the scene before them. Sharp, dusty mountains accented the dry brown earth. The sky was bright blue, but there was nothing else pretty about the place. "Where in the name of Merlin are we, George?"

George looked around, utterly confused. "Uh…I don't know." He started walking.

One identical twin glared at the other. "Uh, you don't know? What the Hell does that mean?" George shrugged. Fred suddenly stopped. "You didn't set the portkey?"

"I've never turned something into a portkey before! I thought it set it for Hogwarts, that day in seventh year. Thought it might be fun to see Umbridge's reaction after we left." George grinned at the memory, then gestured helplessly around. "I don't think it worked right."

Fred glanced around the arid landscape. "I'm guessing not. Do you think the Time Turner worked right?"

George shrugged half-heartedly. "I was more preoccupied with making the portkey than setting either one."

"So you kind of set the Time Turner? Meaning we could be anywhere?" Fred asked incredulously.

"Anywhere and anywhen," George joked. He saw that Fred did not look pleased. "Oh come on, I didn't think it would work on the first try!" he said defensively.

"Since when has anything we've invented not worked the way we thought it would?" George gave Fred a look. Fred threw up his hands in defeat. "Fine. We'll just reset the Time Turner and go back home."

"Okay." But as he pulled the device out from under him, George winced. The hourglass was cracked in several places and the edges were broken. "It's broken," he reluctantly reported.

Fred's stomach dropped. They were stuck. He looked around hopelessly. "Then let's just walk. Maybe we'll find people or something."

"Maybe!" George said brightly. Fred glared at his brother, who grinned. Judging by the bright sun, it was nearing midmorning. They had all day to wander.

…

"How long have we been walking?" George asked.

"I dunno."

"Gred!" he whined. "I'm bored!"

Fred rolled his eyes. "Serves you right! You got us here!"

George looked at his brother, hurt. "I didn't mean to. Merlin, you sound like I did this on purpose."

Fred looked at his brother's wounded face. He sighed. "Somebody hex us the next time we decide to mess with bloody portkeys."

George continued to look hurt. There was not a soul in sight as they walked. The land looked remarkably the same, no matter how far they traveled.

Something appeared in the distance. "What's that?" George asked.

"I dunno."

George ignored his brother's obvious irritation and started toward the thing. As it got closer, he saw that it was a funny-looking car with no roof. It was on its side and small craters marred the ground. Looking around, the twins suddenly got a bad feeling.

"Uh, Fred?"

"Yeah. We need to get out of here."

Neither heard the whistle of the shell as they turned to leave. They only heard the explosion.

Fred rolled on the ground, coughing and trying to keep the dust out of his eyes. "What the Hell was that?" he asked as the smoke began to clear. "George?"

"Ugh…" George moaned, writhing on the ground. "Fred…?"

"George! Good Lord…" Fred scrambled to where his brother lay in the dirt. He held George's hand and smoothed down his hair. Tears sprang to his eyes. "What happened?"

"How – " George's voice caught. "How bad does it look?"

Fred reluctantly looked down at his brother's side. Crimson blood poured from the wound, staining the dusty ground. Fred blanched and struggled to keep the contents of his stomach down.

George saw his brother's face and nodded painfully. "I thought so." He closed his eyes and let his head rest on the ground.

"What should I do?" Fred whispered, tears running down his cheeks. He clutched George's hand tightly. "What should I do?"

But George did not answer. Fred muffled a sob. He didn't move. He just sat there, clinging to his unconscious twin in a land he didn't know, all alone.

He barely heard the helicopter as it approached.


	3. Down in a Strange Land

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** Just a quick note to morph: This takes place during the Trapper/Henry/Frank years. Although I too like the BJ/Potter/Winchester years better, I started writing this as I was watching seasons one through three and I thought Fred and George would really interact nicely with the Hawk/Trap combo as opposed to Hawk/BJ.

**DISCLAIMER** Don't own them.

…

A voice rang through a loudspeaker over the military compound. "Attention all personnel! Incoming wounded – all shifts to OR on the double!" Men and women dropped what they were doing and rushed to prepare for surgery.

Soldiers were moved into the OR and the doctors and nurses went to work. Dr. Benjamin Franklin Pierce, nicknamed Hawkeye, was the outfit's chief surgeon and probably their most compassionate doctor. He hated the Army and the war, but he hated death most of all. He did whatever it took to pull his patients through.

As usual, the wounded soldiers looked far too young to be dating, let alone fighting. Each one broke Hawkeye's heart over again.

"Captain Pierce!" Major Margaret Houlihan, head nurse, called as his patient was taken from the table.

"What is it?" Hawkeye asked. Margaret held up the latest X-Ray. "Jesus!" Hawkeye whispered. "This kid's got a fragment the size of a Buick in his side!"

Margaret nodded. "He's lost a lot of blood."

"All right, bring him in. Margaret, you assist. I need a gown and gloves!" Hawkeye called as the bloodied ones were taken away.

"Whoa!" Hawkeye blinked when the boy was brought in. "I've never seen hair that red before in my life!" Checking around the boy's neck, he found nothing. "Who is this kid? Where're his dog tags?"

"He didn't have any, Hawkeye," Radar O'Reilly, the outfit's near-sighted company clerk, said. "Didn't have a uniform either. The chopper just brought him in a few minutes ago."

"All right, well see if you can find out who he is."

"Yes sir." Radar left the OR and Hawkeye and Margaret prepared to operate. Letting his head fall back, Hawkeye closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Opening his eyes again, he glanced toward the small window in the door on the far end of the operating room. His patient was looking back at him.

"What the?" His surprised outburst drew attention from the other surgeons.

"Pierce?" Dr. Henry Blake, commanding officer of the unit, asked.

"What's wrong, Hawk?" asked Dr. John McIntyre. McIntyre, nicknamed Trapper, was Hawkeye's tentmate and best friend.

"That kid in the window looks exactly like the kid I'm about the operate on!"

The fourth surgeon in the room, Dr. Frank Burns, scoffed. "Ever heard of identical twins, Pierce?"

"Stuff it, Frank," Hawkeye replied, irritated that he hadn't realized it too. He glanced back at the window, but the boy was gone. He shrugged and focused all of his attention on the operation.

…

Fred turned away from the door. He couldn't bear to watch them cut into his twin brother. George's normally pale Weasley skin was pasty white on the operating table.

Stumbling away from the operating room, Fred felt trapped. It was the blood; it had to be the blood. Never had he seen a single human bleed that much from a wound.

Death itself didn't sicken him this violently. He'd wandered through dozens of bodies during the war. He'd seen friends die before him, as well as two brothers. He'd seen his own twin tortured with the Cruciatus Curse, before falling victim to it himself.

But, as violent as they were, Avada Kedavra and Crucio left the pain and death locked within the human form. These Muggle weapons ripped people apart and left them to bleed.

The blood was all around him. He was drowning in it. Unable to help himself, Fred staggered behind a building and began vomiting uncontrollably.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, just relax," came a deep voice. Fred finished throwing up his breakfast, wiped his mouth, and turned to the man behind him. "You okay?"

"Yeah, thanks." Fred, still feeling dizzy, blinked when he saw who had helped him. "You're a man…in a dress!"

The man, who was indeed wearing a deep blue evening gown, stared back at Fred. "And you're in surgery! Or, you're supposed to be…"

Fred felt more bile rise in his throat at the thought of George being cut open but he forced it back down. "That's my twin brother. We're identical." He raised an eyebrow. "You're in a dress," he repeated.

He snapped into a military salute. "Corporal Max Klinger, at your service!" He leaned toward Fred conspiratorially. "I only wear dresses to make them think I'm crazy so they'll let me outta this hell hole."

"Oh." Fred leaned on Klinger as they walked through camp. He was still dizzy and queasy. "Where are we?"

"The 4077th. Best MASH in all of Korea!"

"MASH unit? Korea?" Fred asked fearfully. He'd only seen Muggle maps once or twice in his life when his father had tacked them up on the walls of the Burrow, but he knew Korea wasn't anywhere near England.

Klinger, unaware of the redhead's confusion, nodded. "Ouijongbou, South Korea to be exact. Whoa, what's wrong, kid?" he asked, noticing how very pale Fred had gone. He led them over to a bench outside the mess tent.

"What…what year is it?" Fred asked shakily.

"1951."

"And we're in South Korea."

"Uh-huh…" Klinger looked at Fred, concerned. "You sure you're okay?"

Fred nodded weakly. "When can I see my brother?"

"He'll be in Post-Op soon. I can take you there to wait if you want."

Fred nodded and Klinger helped him to his feet. When they reached the Post-Op ward, Klinger let Fred lie down on an empty cot, then went to explain his presence to the nurse on duty.

There was an awful taste in his mouth, left from getting sick. "Lu…lieutenant?" Fred called, stumbling over the strange word that Klinger had called the nurse.

She was dark-skinned and looked a bit like Angelina. That brought a twinge to Fred's chest. Angelina had fallen in the war.

The woman sat by Fred's bedside. She smiled. "You can call me Ginger. What can I do?"

"Can I have some pumpkin juice?" Fred asked feebly. Ginger gave him a strange look, leading him to add, "Or water would be fine?"

"Of course." She brought him a glass of water, which he used to rinse his mouth out and drank the rest. She smiled, then bustled off to tend to other patients.

'1951,' Fred thought. He whistled to himself. 'Me and George haven't even been born yet. Merlin, Mum and Dad have barely been born!' It was a lot to accept.

"George and that bloody Time Turner…" he mumbled to himself. The day had taken its toll on him and his energy was gone. 'Mum's _really_ gonna kill us,' he thought as he drifted off to sleep.


	4. Up in a Different Place

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** Now we're into the real crossover part. This story is only 14 chapters long, just to give you all a frame of reference. Enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER** Don't own any of them. JKR owns some and whoever owns MASH owns the others.

…

George's eyes fluttered open. "Ugh…" he managed to moan. His entire body felt like it'd been used as a playground for Blast-Ended Skrewts.

"George!"

He managed to open his eyes completely to see Fred rushing across the bare room. Beds of patients lined the walls and white-robed nurses floated around caring for the wounded. A young doctor sat reviewing medical charts at one end.

Fred reached his twin's bedside. "How do you feel?"

George tried to stretch and immediately regretted it. "Like Dad's old Ford Anglia ran me over. Where am I?"

"Post-Op ward." Fred glared at his twin. "In South Korea. In _1951_!"

"1951?" George groaned. "We're doomed."

"I know." Fred glanced at the bandage his brother was sporting. "How is it?"

He looked at Fred in all seriousness. "It feels worse than Crucio."

Fred shuddered. Both he and George had been on the wrong end of the Cruciatus Curse during the war against Voldemort. "Nothing's worse than that."

"This is." George smirked half-heartedly. "These Muggles really know how to build a weapon."

Fred laughed. "Dad would be so proud."

"Arthur Weasley's second-youngest son, struck down by a Muggle weapon!" George grinned, regardless of his pain.

Seeing his patient awake, the young doctor came over to the redhead's bed. "Good afternoon!"

"Hello," Fred and George replied together.

The doctor raised his eyebrows. "Ah, so you're British," he said, noting their accents. "We were wondering, you not having dog tags and all. I'm Dr. Pierce, I operated on you this morning."

"Oh. Thank you!" George looked at his twin. "And yes, we're British. But what are dog tags?"

Dr. Pierce looked at the two identical boys. "Uh-huh. Well, I removed a large shell fragment from your side. Barring any complications, you should be able to return to your outfit within a week."

Fred and George looked at each other, clearly confused. "Okay," George finally answered. Fred glanced at him, but didn't say anything.

Dr. Pierce was clearly concerned, but just patted George's shoulder and left. Fred turned to his brother. "Return to your outfit?"

George shrugged. "I figured I wouldn't ask. I think we need to learn about Muggle warfare. Quick."

…

Hawkeye left the Post-Op ward, worried about the boy. "Radar!" he called as he walked into the company clerk's office.

"Right here, sir."

Hawkeye jumped and turned around to see Radar right behind him. "Don't sneak up on me like that! Or I'll put a collar on you with a little bell attached."

"Yes, sir."

Hawkeye sighed, rubbing his temple. "Any word on that kid?"

"Uh, no sir. I called Regimental Headquarters, Seoul, Tokyo. No units have reported anyone missing fitting his description."

"Well he's gotta be someone! People don't just appear!" Hawkeye sighed. "People disappear in a war, not the other way around."

Radar nodded. "Do you know anything about him?"

"He's got red hair, an identical twin, and he's British." Hawkeye got an idea. "Hey Radar, why don't you – "

"Yes sir, I'll call the UN right away sir." Radar was already on the phone.  
Hawkeye shook his head. Radar's uncanny ability to anticipate people's requests or incoming choppers never ceased to amaze him. It was what had earned the young man the nickname "Radar."

Radar turned back to him. "Was there something else you needed, sir?" Hawkeye didn't say anything at first. "Sir?" Radar asked again.

"What? No Radar, that's all." Absently, he left Radar's office and crossed the compound. The heat was sweltering. All he wanted to do was sleep. He headed for home.

Hawkeye collapsed gratefully onto his cot in his tent, affectionately called the Swamp. Trapper was asleep in the next cot, snoring. Thankfully, Frank was not around.

His eyes closed, Hawkeye was just about asleep when he heard the screen door of the tent bang open. "Captain McIntyre, sir!"

Hawkeye grabbed a boot and checked it irritably at the intruder. Corporal Klinger stepped aside just in time and the boot landed harmlessly on Frank's bed. Trapped muttered curses under his breath. "Captain McIntyre, sir, it's your shift in Post-Op!"

"You have five seconds to get out of here, Klinger," Trapper growled.

"Or we're run your bra up the flagpole!" Hawkeye threatened.

"Like I'd let you near my bra!" Klinger replied with an indignant sniff before ducking out of the Swamp.

With a groan, Trapper sat up. "Anything I should watch for, Hawk?"

"Yeah," Hawkeye mumbled. "That red-headed kid I operated on this morning."

"Infection?"

"Uh-uh. He and his brother are British."

"Well, we'll cure him of that," Trapper joked. Hawkeye glared at him sleepily.

"Watch him because he might be a little battle-fatigued. He asked me what dog tags were."

"All right, I'll keep an eye on him."

Frank, who had walked in to hear the end of their conversation, snorted. "He's faking! He must be a deserter. Him and his brother." He smiled a bit to himself. "Major Houlihan and I have taken it upon ourselves to contact all British units in the area and let them know we've found him."

Trapper rolled his eyes. "Frank, would you at least let the kid get better first? He was in pretty rough shape when they brought him in. He needs rest."

"I don't need you to tell me what a patient needs to recover, McIntyre!" Frank snapped.

"Frank, even the patient knows more than you!" Hawkeye retorted, feigning sleep with a hand thrown over his eyes.

Frank sputtered angrily for a minute, then glared at his two tentmates. "You…guys!"

Hawkeye lifted his head and watched Frank stalk off. "Will he ever think of a better retort?"

"Nah. His head's too full of that medical knowledge," Trapper replied sarcastically.

"And Hot Lips." Hot Lips was Major Houlihan's nickname. She and Frank had a very hot relationship, supposedly unbeknownst to the camp. Definitely unbeknownst to Frank's wife.

Trapper laughed. "Yeah, right." He pulled on a light military jacket. "I'll see ya later, Hawk. And don't worry about your boy. I'll watch him for you."

"Uh-huh," Hawkeye mumbled into his pillow. "Thanks, Trap."

"No problem."

Within minutes of Trapper's departure, Hawkeye was fast asleep.


	5. Out to Explore

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** Sorry it's been so long! Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. This chapter and the next are where the fun really begins, hehe.

**DISCLAIMER** Don't own them.

…

"This is bloody ridiculous!" George complained. He'd been in bed for the past three days straight. For the first day after the surgery, it had been fun to have pretty nurses waiting on him, but he'd quickly gotten bored.

Fred looked sympathetically at his twin. He'd been sleeping in the bed next to George's, but spent the days getting to know people in the camp and learning about Muggle warfare. He'd learned that dog tags were metal chips worn around the neck for identification. And he found that "return to your outfit" meant returning to battle.

He'd shared this information with George, of course. The two became well-known throughout the camp, as identical twins had never come through the 4077th before. But no one knew anything more about them.

Dr. Pierce approached the bed. Ever since that first day, he insisted that the twins call him "Hawkeye." He was accompanied by Dr. McIntyre, another surgeon whom they'd come to know. He insisted on being called only "Trapper."

There was a third surgeon who worked in the Post-Op ward: a weak, sniveling man named Dr. Burns. Neither of the twins liked him much. He had far too many Slytherin qualities for their tastes.

"Hey Fred, George," Hawkeye said as he sat on an empty cot beside George. Trapper stood at the end of George's bed.

"Hello," the twins greeted them in unison.

Hawkeye and Trapper looked at each other before continuing. "Uh…" Hawkeye began. "We need some information from you two. We've been calling everyone we can think of: I-Corps, the UN, British units in the area. No one knows anything about you two."

Fred and George gulped just slightly. "Really?" George asked.

"Yeah. We just need to know the basics. Your unit, where you come from…"  
"Your last names," Trapper broke in.

"Weasley," George answered. "Our last name is Weasley."

Fred wondered if it was a good idea to tell the doctors their real last name, but it wasn't as though they had a real choice. "And we don't have a unit," he said. "We're civilians." He hoped he'd used the word right. It was one he'd picked up around camp.  
"Civilians?" Trapped asked, surprised. "From where?"

"We told you before we're from Britain."

"What are British civilians doing in a war zone?" Hawkeye asked a little suspiciously. He was appalled to realize that he sounded a lot like Frank Burns.

Fred and George just looked at each other. "Uh…"

"We…well…"

"We're…"

"We don't know," Fred finally said.

Hawkeye and Trapper looked confused. "You don't know?" Hawkeye repeated.

"No," George answered, making things up as he went along. "We work for the Ministry of Ma – " He cut short when Fred elbowed him.

"The Ministry of Ma…mathematics!" Fred covered, referring to some Muggle word he'd heard somewhere. He had no idea what it meant. "They sent us here with instructions to…"

"To work on a research project," George finished. "We were supposed to meet up with the Ministry's contingent here and they would explain the project."

"That's the government for you," Trapper commented.

The twins laughed nervously. "Yes it is," Fred said.

Hawkeye stood up. "Well, I suppose we'll have to find a place in camp for you to stay." He looked to George. "You won't have to stay in Post-Op much longer. Your side seems to be healing fine."

George grinned. "Thank Merlin!"

Fred glared at him as the surgeons looked at each other, confused. When they left, he smacked his twin in the head.

"Ow! Fred!" George complained.

"Did Mum and Dad teach you nothing? You know Muggles get suspicious if we mention Merlin!" Fred hissed.

George scoffed. "How would a Muggle know anything about Merlin?"

Shrugging, Fred just said, "Some guy wrote a novel about him and King Arthur. But keep your mouth shut! We're in enough trouble without them getting suspicious."

"We aren't in any trouble!" George said easily. "I'm almost healed and they don't suspect anything."

"I guess," Fred said doubtfully. "But I think the sooner we get out of here and find other wizards, the better."

…

The twins couldn't do anything about locating other wizards until George had healed. So they waited. Unfortunately, Muggle medicine was very slow in comparison to magic. On the day that George was sure he was going to hex the next nurse to ask him how he was feeing, Hawkeye came over to his bed with a smile.

"How's it look?" George asked.

Hawkeye just grinned at him. "You're free to go!" he announced.

George looked at Fred, not sure he'd heard him right. "What?"

"Your side is healed. You're officially released."

George let out a whoop of excitement, thoroughly upsetting the nurse on duty. "So I can go?" he asked eagerly.

"Sure." Hawkeye suddenly turned serious. "But it's not safe for two civilians in this area. We'll have to arrange for a transport. You're released from the hospital, though."

"Wicked!"

"Hey," Fred spoke up suddenly. "Can George and I get a tour of the camp?"

Hawkeye looked a little surprised. "Sure. Trap and I would be glad to do it. I get off Post-Op duty in another 45 minutes."

George looked at his brother curiously after Hawkeye left. Fred shrugged. "I'm a little bit curious about how they get along without magic," he admitted.

George nodded. Might turn out to be an interesting visit after all.


	6. Into the Swamp

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** Not much…hehe, poor Fred and George though…they definitely aren't prepared for this!

**DISCLAIMER** Still don't own any of them.

…

"Welcome to the Swamp!" Hawkeye announced ceremoniously as he opened the tent's door.

"Dah da da dah!" Trapper hooted his imitation of a trumpet's fanfare.

Fred and George looked around the tent appreciatively. "Brilliant," Fred finally commented. Hawkeye and Trapper lounged lazily on their cots as the twins walked around, admiring the Muggle lifestyle of the military.

Fred grinned at George. "Reminds me a little of home."

"Ah yes," George said fondly. "The good old Burrow!"

Trapper looked interested. "The Burrow?"

George nodded. "The house a la Weasley." He laughed. "The building wouldn't even stand up if we weren't all – "

Fred smacked his twin before he uttered the word "wizard" or "magic." They would tell Hawkeye and Trapper, but at the right time.

George glared at Fred. "If we weren't all…good at building things!" he finished, attempting to cover up his near slip.

Trapper and Hawkeye just watched the twins, amused. They were fully aware that there was something that Fred and George were hiding from them. If the two didn't volunteer the information freely, the two Swampmen would just find a more creative way to pry it out of them.

Fred and George finished their inspection and sat down a little uncomfortably. The awkward silence was broken when Fred muttered, "I could use a firewhiskey."

The twins first tried firewhiskey on a Hogsmeade weekend in their fifth year, although they didn't develop a taste for it until opening their shop. The numbing liquor easily melted away the stress of running a business.

Hawkeye lifted an eyebrow. "Firewhiskey? You two like to drink?"

"Some," Fred answered. "Why?"

"Well, we like to drink," Trapper replied. "It isn't whiskey, but it gets the job done." He held out two triangular goblets filled with clear liquid. "Ya up for it?"

The twins glanced at each other. George shrugged. "Why not?" They accepted the glasses from Trapper.

The first sip made George's eyes water and his esophagus catch fire. "Wow," he croaked. "Little bit stronger than firewhiskey."

Fred nodded his teary-eyed agreement. "What is this?"

Hawkeye raised his own glass in the air. "This is mother's milk!" he waxed. "The elixir of life! Our heart's blood!"

Fred's face paled and turned slightly green. "Please don't say blood." He remembered all too well his feeling of drowning in blood. As far as he knew, only Klinger was aware of how sick he'd been. He had no desire to relive it.

Trapper and Hawkeye just shrugged. "It's called a martini," Trapper said. He was busy pouring another for himself. "Bottoms up!" The four men lifted their glasses in the air.

"To the Americans, who send us here and we don't ask why. To the British, who send you here and don't tell you why!" Hawkeye toasted.

"Here, here!" George said and the four drained their glasses. The twins felt the liquid run like fire through their bodies and then fade into pleasant numbness much stronger than that of firewhiskey.

After a few glasses, the two wizards began to feel serious effects from the drink. They found it extremely funny.

"These Muggles really know how to make a drink!" George exclaimed between giggles.

"Uh…Muggles?" Hawkeye asked. He was still sober enough to be confused.

"Uh oh…George is in trouble!" Fred sang.

"No I'm–not," he managed to say.

"We don't know what Muggles are, if it helps," Trapper offered.

"You are!" Fred replied with a hoot. "At least, I think you are."

"We are not!" Hawkeye stated, feigning offense.

"Really?" the twins said together, completely serious.

"Uh…no."

"Oh." Identical faces fell.

Fred looked at his brother. "You couldn't even get us somewhere like Hogwarts, could you?" George just stuck his tongue out.

"You know," Fred slurred, drunkenly clutching his martini glass and turning to Hawkeye and Trapper. "We wouldn't even be here if George knew what he was doing."

Hawkeye was about to comment on George's injury, but he was cut off. "Hey!" George retorted. "I'd like to see _you_ make a portkey out of a bloody Time Turner and set it right!"

"I think they've had enough, Hawk," Trapper whispered.

"They've had enough for the four of us!" Hawkeye turned to the twins. "Uh boys, I think you've had enough now."

Fred started giggling. "Okay!"

George's blurred eyes lit up. "Hey Fred! We should show 'em something!" He pulled his wand out. The two surgeons just eyed the wooden stick warily, then glanced at each other.

"Uh George, m-maybe we should wa-wait," Fred said, stuttering from more alcohol than he could handle.

George just shook his head and grinned. Pointing his wand at Frank's empty cot, he cried, "_Serpensortia_!"

There was a collective gasp from the other three men in the Swamp. Hawkeye and Trapper were staring aghast at the large black snake that had appeared from the end of George's wand. Fred was staring at his brother.

"That's a Slytherin spell!" he slurred, shocked.

"Nah," George replied, waving a hand.

"Did you see that?" Trapper whispered to Hawkeye.

"Do you see _that_?" Hawkeye said, pointing to the hissing serpent.

They hadn't noticed Fred pull out his wand also. "_Petrificus Totalis_!" The snake froze at his words, becoming stiff as a board. The alcohol took over the boy again and he picked up the stiff, straight reptile, brandishing it like a sword. "On guard!"

Dropping the bewitched animal, Fred collapsed onto the tent's one empty cot, laughing hysterically. George followed and it was only a moment before the two had passed out.

The Swampmen looked at them, bewildered. Only one thing could be said.

"Oh boy."


	7. Left with Explanations

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** Hehe, poor Fred and George! Sorry about the delay – Christmas break has been really busy and hectic. I'll try to be better!

**DISCLAIMER** Don't own them. Still.

…

George awoke with a headache that went far beyond pounding. He barely remembered the night before and really didn't want to open his eyes."Ugh, George, ge-off me!" Fred muttered. His voice was muffled by the cot he was lying facedown on.

George opened his eyes as much as he dared and realized that he was sprawled very ungracefully on top of Fred. He managed to sit up and held his head in agony. Fred groaned next to him, unable to move.

"Good morning!" Hawkeye called in a soft singsong voice. The twins groaned their reply. "We thought as much. Here." He handed the boys two glasses of water and four white pills.

"Whasis?" George managed to ask as he swallowed two pills and Fred swallowed the others.

"Just a little Muggle medicine," Trapper replied, not looking up from his magazine.

Uh oh.

"How d'you know that word?" Fred asked blearily, struggling to hold onto consciousness.

"We don't," Hawkeye answered. "But you called us that all last night, so we figure that you do."

"Take 20 minutes for that aspirin to kick in," Trapper said. "Then we need to have a talk." Fred and George groaned. This would not be fun.

…

Surprisingly, the Muggle medicine worked within twenty minutes just as Trapper had said. The twins sat, quite uncomfortably, on the empty cot as Hawkeye and Trapper looked warily at them.

Fred looked to George, his eyes clearly saying, "You got us into this, you explain it!"

But before either twin could begin to explain, Hawkeye had produced a wooden crate. Opening it hesitantly, he held it out. "Uh, care to explain this?" he asked.

An angry black snake lay coiled in the bottom. George groaned. "The serpent."

"Now," Trapper interrupted, "we're a little confused. We weren't completely sober last night, but I for one was nowhere near drunk enough to imagine a snake!"

"And now we're sober and the snake's still here," Hawkeye pointed out. "Care to explain?"

There was an uncomfortable silence. Fred and George glanced at each other. Fred took a deep breath. "We aren't from around here."

"We know, you're British," Hawkeye said. "No one's from around here."

"No, what Fred means is that we aren't from 1951." George paused, knowing he sounded worthy of St. Mungo's Psych Ward. "We came from the year 1999."

Hawkeye and Trapper just blinked. "He's telling the truth," Fred muttered miserably.

"Well if you're crazy, then we're crazy too," Trapper commented, indicating the snake again.

The twins visibly relaxed when the two surgeons didn't immediately proclaim them nuts. George rummaged around in his coat pocket and produced the broken Time Turner. A nurse had returned it to him with his other belongings after he'd been released from Post-Op.

"This is what got us here."

Hawkeye and Trapper looked incredibly curious. "What is it?" asked Trapper.

"It's called a Time Turner. We use it – "

"Wait," Hawkeye interrupted. "Who exactly is 'we?'"

"All people in the world fall into one of two categories," Fred explained. "Even now in 1951. Most people are just normal."

"But there are others, like us, who are different," George jumped in. "Who possess magical abilities. Magical children begin schooling when they're eleven years old and go for seven years. Me 'n Fred went to a school called Hogwarts in England."

Hawkeye and Trapper tried very hard to believe the boys, but naturally found it difficult. "And what is a Muggle?" Trapper finally asked.

"Muggle is our term for non-magic people. Normal people," Fred said.

The two surgeons nodded. That made some kind of twisted sense. "So then…Time Turner?" Hawkeye asked.

"Right." George put the broken object down. "Wizards use them to travel through time. They're relatively simple."

Fred nodded his agreement. "But we have something else called a portkey. You can take any Muggle object and make it into a teleportation device." He grinned momentarily. "They're bloody fun." His brow furrowed again. "But my brilliant twin tried to turn this Time Turner into a portkey and it didn't really work all that well."

"Which ultimately explains why we are in South Korea in 1951 as opposed to Great Britain in 1999."

Hawkeye and Trapper were desperately trying to understand. "Uh…the snake?" Hawkeye asked.

George blushed shamefully. "That was me showing off." He glanced sideways at Fred. "It wasn't the best choice of spells."

Fred scoffed. "It bloody wasn't!"

"Why not?" asked Trapper.

"The serpent and all spells associated with it are generally considered Slytherin material." George saw the surgeons' confused looks. "The school for witchcraft and wizardry where we were taught…"

"Hogwarts," Fred interrupted.

"Right. All of Hogwarts' students are divided into four houses. Slytherin is one of them."

"Oh. Is that bad?" Hawkeye asked.

More memories of the war boiled to the surface. The twins sobered. "In our history, most of those witches and wizards who have gone bad came from Slytherin."

The Swampmen knew not to ask anymore. Fred and George's eyes spoke volumes about the battles they'd suffered. Every soldier who came through the 4077th had the same look.

Frank suddenly burst into the Swamp. "Oh! So you four finally decided to rejoin the living?" he taunted.

"Shut up Frank!" Trapper snapped.

"You can't fool me, McIntyre!" Frank said. "You've been drinking!"

Hawkeye rolled his eyes. "Very good, Frank."

"And what is a patient doing in here anyway?" Frank asked, indicating George in disgust.

"Nothing," Fred said quickly. "We're leaving." Waves of dizziness assaulted the twins as they stood up, but they made it out.

"Aw, Frank!" Hawkeye whined. "You made our playmates go away!" He and Trapper laughed as Frank sniffed and turned away to ignore them. Usually they would say anything to irritate Frank, but Hawkeye and Trapper were silent.


	8. Right to a Few Conclusions

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** I know it's a little late to add Henry in, but I wanted him to at least know of the twins, even if he's not close friends with them like Hawk and Trap. It would have been better if it was Col. Potter I think, but when I started writing it, I wrote it specifically for Hawk and Trap as opposed to Hawk and BJ.

**DISCLAIMER** Still don't own them.

…

There was a lot to think about. Muggles weren't supposed to know anything about magic and Fred and George had just told two a great deal. It wasn't as if they had a choice, but they couldn't help but feel guilty.

Hawkeye and Trapper seemed to believe them. Of course, their drunken display probably helped on that front. But the two surgeons couldn't help them figure out what to do next.

The twins returned to their side-by-side beds in Post-Op. They were quiet for a minute. "We're in 1951," George mentioned.

"Yeah." They were quiet again.

"He's out there somewhere."

Fred squeezed his eyes shut. "I know."

The nurses and other patients paid them no attention, which they liked. "We could stop him," George said quietly.

Fred looked at his twin sharply. "Are you bloody insane?"

"Fred, think about it! Think about all the lives we'd save! We could stop You-Know-Who before he's even a threat!"

"This is why people like us aren't allowed to have Time Turners." Fred glared at his twin. "We so much as lay a hand on Riddle in 1951 and who knows what would happen to our world?"

George's voice broke. "But no one would have to die! Charlie, Percy, Cedric, Sirius, Dumbledore, Angelina, Harry's mum and dad, Cho, Professor Flitwick…"

Fred has spent so long trying not to think of the war, but now it was impossible. It hurt so much to think about everyone who'd been lost. "I'd give anything for all of them to live again. But by killing Riddle now, we could create a world in the future where we don't even exist!" He fought against tears. "It's too risky."

…

Trapper dropped down next to Hawkeye in the mess tent. Sighing, he turned to his tentmate. "What do you think?"

The handsome, Maine-born surgeon shrugged heavily. "I have no idea. Is this even happening? How can we have _wizards_ among us?" He dropped his voice at that last part. "There could be more of them here in camp!"

Trapper snorted. "Anyone ever tell you that paranoia makes you sound like Frank Burns?"

Hawkeye gasped. That was the ultimate insult. "That hurts!"

"It's true, though. Look Hawk, Fred and George are no different that us, besides the fact that they have magic powers."

"That's a pretty big fact to besides." Hawkeye leaned back. "What should we do with them?"

Trapper's eyes fixed on someone across the Mess Tent and lit up dangerously. Hawkeye followed his gaze to Frank and Hot Lips eating together. He grinned. He knew.

This would be fun.

…

Hawkeye and Trapper led the twins into Radar's office. "Henry!" Hawkeye called as they bounded into his office.

"Yo!" someone called.

George looked at Fred. "Yo?" Fred shrugged.

Hawkeye and Trapper dropped into chairs by the Colonel's desk. A slightly older man was relaxing with his feet on his desk. "You know, this is my office, not your personal lounge!" He was trying to sound commanding, but he obviously didn't mind the doctors' visit.

"Henry, there's someone we'd like you to meet," Hawkeye said, indicating Fred and George in the doorway.

"Oh." Henry did a double take when he saw the twins. They grinned at each other. Many people reacted that way. "Nice to meet you two."

"This one," Trapper said, indicating George, "is Hawk's nameless patient from last week."

"George Weasley," George said, shaking Henry's hand. "And my brother Fred."

"I'm Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake, Commanding Officer of the 4077th." Henry smiled. "I'm a surgeon, too."

"Or so he thinks," Hawkeye commented with a grin.

"We don't have the heart to tell him it's all make-believe," Trapper added.

"Oh come on, you guys!" Henry whined. "Show a little respect! I am your commanding officer after all!"

"That's what you think…" Hawkeye sang.

Henry glared at Hawkeye, but spared himself further insult by not saying anything. Instead, he turned his attention back to the twins. "So what outfit are you two with?"

The twins looked at each other. "Uh…"

"They're civilians, Henry," Trapper supplied.

"Oh!" Henry straightened in his chair. "Well, I hope very much that you're enjoying your stay." Hawkeye snickered. Henry blushed. "I mean, uh, as much, you know, as you could with the wound and everything."

"Henry, do us all a favor and stop talking," Trapper remarked.

"Stuff it, McIntyre!" Henry snapped. He turned back to the twins. "Now that you're healed, I suppose we can put you up in the VIP tent until you can arrange to go back to Britain."

Fred and George looked at each other. "Sure," they said together.

But Hawkeye jumped in. With a glance at Trapper, he said, "Actually Henry, we had another idea…"

…

Frank Burns trudged across the compound toward his tent. He hated his tentmates and hated living in "the Swamp." He never found peace, quiet, or relaxation there.

"What in God's name is going on here?" he sputtered when he reached the Swamp. Orderlies were just finishing moving in a second cot in the tent's unused corner.

"New bunkmates, Frank," Trapper explained, grinning.

"Oh!" Frank's hopes rose. Maybe these new doctors would see Pierce and McIntyre for the miscreants they were.

The tent's door banged open again. "Hi honey, we're home!" Hawkeye announced.

"You'd like to think so!" Frank snapped. "For your information, Pierce, we are getting two new bunkmates and I'm not going to let your or McIntyre corrupt them!"

Trapper glanced at Hawkeye, who looked innocently at Frank. "I've already met them, Frank! Fine young men they are, exemplary of the British!"

Frank's hope faltered. "British?"

"Hello mate!" Fred said, grinning as he came up beside Hawkeye.

"It's such a privilege to bunk with such an esteemed surgeon!" George commented, bowing low to Frank before he and Fred started snickering.

Frank glowered at the redheads, utterly insulted. "I helped save your life!" he sputtered at George.

"Uh, in case you don't remember, Frank," Hawkeye interrupted. "Mr. Weasley here was my patient. I'm the one who was up to my elbows in his side."

Fred shuddered and reached for his twin's hand. Hearing anything about George's injury still made him physically sick. When the twins were little, they would hold hands all the time, but now it was only a security blanket. George squeezed his twin's hand reassuringly.

Frank glared at the two brothers, Pierce, and McIntyre. "Nerts to you!" he cried before feeling the tent again.

Hawkeye fell into fits of laughter on his cot. Hearing Frank say that never failed to crack him up.

"Always that chipper, is he?" Fred asked.

"Oh yes." Hawkeye grinned at the twins. "And we are going to have a lot of fun with him!"


	9. Above the Law

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** Hehehe…poor Frank! Not really. I'm not all that fond of him. Oh, and I'd like to respond to a note from a few chapters ago about how Frank wouldn't be in Slytherin – I don't think so either, but he wouldn't be in Gryffindor (he's the biggest coward there), wouldn't be in Ravenclaw (not so bright, that one), and sure as hell wouldn't be in Hufflepuff (loyalty isn't in his vocabulary). That leaves Slytherin. In all likelihood, he wouldn't have even made it into Hogwarts, lol.

**DISCLAIMER** Surprisingly, I still don't own any of them. Imagine that.

…

"I'm not sure we should do this," Fred said. The doctors had gone on duty, as a small number of wounded had arrived. The twins kept glancing nervously at the operating room.

"Do what?" George asked.

"Play all these tricks on Frank."

George gaped. "Why not?" he asked, aghast.

"Because nothing will advertise our presence faster than bewitching Muggle things! And I don't fancy ending up somewhere like Azkaban."

George started laughing. "Fred, even _if_ some Ministry caught us here, we don't exist, remember! They'd never suspect that we got an unlicensed Time Turner and turned it into an equally unlicensed portkey and ended up here."

Fred started smiling. "So since we don't exist, they can't do anything to us, in theory."

"Now you've got it!"

A few hours later, Hawkeye and Trapper returned, tired and bloody from surgery, to find two very excited wizards in their midst.

"What's gotten into you two?" Trapper asked.

Fred and George grinned at each other. "We're ready."

…

Trapper burst into the Mess Tent. Running over to where the twins sat, he whispered breathlessly, "Frank's just one on Post-Op duty!"

Fred and George grinned at each other, grabbed their wands from the table, and followed Trapper toward the Swamp. They found Hawkeye already there, hovering over Frank's belongings mischievously.

"Excellent," he said when he saw the twins' wands out. "But we have a problem. Everything interesting of Frank's is locked in his footlocker."

Fred grinned. "Not a problem." He knelt down at the footlocker, pointed his wand at the lock and muttered, "_Alohomora_!" The lock glowed softly, then clicked open.

Hawkeye laughed gleefully. "That's amazing!"

"I forgot that one," George remarked.

Fred grinned. "Hermione Granger. Bet she'd have a heart attack if she knew what we used her spell for."

George laughed. "Honestly, what does she think an unlocking spell is for?"

Fred threw open the trunk. "Now," he said. "What to bewitch first?"

Trapper and Hawkeye set to rummaging around the footlocker. "What would bother Frank the most?" Hawkeye asked.

"Could we bewitch Hot Lips?" Trapper asked.

Fred and George snickered, but shook their heads. "Imperius is the only curse I know of to make a person act differently like that, but it's an Unforgivable," George said. "It's illegal."

Hawkeye's eyes were gleaming as he pulled something out of the footlocker. "We don't need Hot Lips," he said triumphantly.

Trapper, Fred, and George looked at what Hawkeye had in his hand and each slowly grinned.

…

Later that afternoon, Frank returned from Post-Op duty as usual. "Hello Frank!" Hawkeye said.

"I heard that!" Fred and George snickered. Frank turned on them. "I don't want to hear another word from you two! You aren't even supposed to be here!"

Fred and George gave Frank mock salutes and smirked. Frank glared and threw open his footlocker. "Well this is just the straw that broke the camel's back!" he shouted.

Hawkeye turned to Trapper. "Do we need a new camel?"

"You've been going through my footlocker!" Frank sputtered.

"How could we go through your footlocker, Frank?" Trapper asked. "It was locked."

"Believe us, we've tried," Hawkeye added.

"Oh…you take the cake!" Frank growled.

"Do you want it back?"

At this, Fred and George finally started snickering. Frank stopped talking, grabbed a few things, and flounced out of the tent.

"Wait for it," Hawkeye said.

Sure enough, five minutes later, screams rang through the compound. The twins, Hawkeye, and Trapper fell to the floor laughing. They tried to speak, but none of the four men could stop their hysterics.

Frank came tearing through the camp, barely holding his towel around his waist. He burst into the Swamp, spraying water drops from his hair. He collapsed onto his cot and glanced around wildly.

"What happened, Frank?" Trapper asked.

"Yeah, Major," George added. "What's wrong?"

"My soap bit me!"

Fred and George had to bite their lips very hard to keep from laughing.

"Your soap bit you, Frank?" Hawkeye asked innocently.

Frank nodded vehemently. "And my shower cap started pulling my hair!"

"Why that's crazy, Major," Fred said. "No offense of course."

The panic drained out of Frank's eyes and he stared at the young wizard. "Of course it is!" he snapped. "I was just testing your ability to deal with stress in a combat zone."

"Of course!" Hawkeye said. "Wonderful job, Frank!"

Frank just stood up with one hand on his towel and stalked back to the showers with as much dignity as he could muster. Hawkeye grinned at his tentmates. "The 4077th will never be the same!"


	10. Below Suspicion

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** In response to Lady-Drea, I really hadn't given any thought to what they did with the snake. I guess you can just assume that after they explained things to Hawkeye and Trapper, they destroyed it themselves.

**One suggestive line in here, people.** It's only rated T, so I thought I'd give you all a heads up. This is the only time anything even remotely suggestive shows up, so no worries.

**DISCLAIMER** Don't own them. Still. Never will. …sweet smile…

…

The twins lounged lazily in the Swamp. Hawkeye and Trapper both had duty in Post-Op and Frank avoided the twins at all times. Life among Muggles had taken getting used to, but if South Korea had a Ministry of Magic, they hadn't caught wind of Fred and George yet. They suspected that the war had taken the attention of wizards and Muggles alike.

George was restless. His side was completely healed (which had raised his opinion greatly of Muggle medicine) and he and Fred had had a great time pulling small pranks around camp. Frank was now wary of any object that came his way. But George's heart grew heavy.

Fred noticed the change. "What's wrong, Forge?" he asked.

George sighed. "Have you thought about how we're getting home?"

Fred cringed. "Do you think we could fix the Time Turner?"

"We could try." George got up and dug the Time Turner out of the footlocker they had been supplied with. He squinted at it. "I wouldn't make it a portkey again."

"That's for bloody sure," Fred said, glaring.

George cringed slightly. "Once we make it back to '99, we could just apparate home."

"Mmm," Fred agreed.

"We've watched Dad take apart Muggle stuff our whole lives," George remarked. "You think we're up to it?"

Fred blinked. "You mean take the Time Turner apart?" George nodded. "What if we break it even more? Then we'd never get home."

George sighed. "That's true. But what other choice do we have?"

"We can't be the only wizards around. What if we wait and see if we can find someone else to fix it?"

George shook his head. "I have a good idea." He pulled out his wand and put the tip to the Time Turner. "_Reparo_!"

Nothing happened. George shrugged. "Worth a shot."

"Uh-oh." Fred was no longer paying attention to his brother.

"What?"

"I think the Time Turner is the least of our worries now."

George turned around to see Frank Burns staring at them. He hastily tried to hide his wand, but it was too late. Frank was already rushing off for Hot Lips' tent.

…

"Colonel, this is important!"

Henry put his head on his desk. Maybe when he opened his eyes, Hot Lips and Frank would be gone.

"Colonel Blake!" It was Hot Lips this time. "Major Burns and I feel that it is very dangerous to have these two obviously unbalanced civilians in this camp!"

Henry rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, Major! Fred and George are not any crazier than you."

"Major Burns saw them, Colonel! They were waving a stick around like it was a magic wand!"

Henry smirked a little at Frank, who hadn't said much. "That right, Frank?"

"It absolutely is!"

"You have a very feminine voice today, Frank."

Frank glared at Henry. But before he could say anything, Hawkeye and Trapper burst through the door. "Hello Henry!"

"Ugh!" Hot Lips glared. "Can't you see that we're in the middle of something?"

"What's up, Henry?" Trapper asked.

"They want psychological examinations done on the twins."

"Fred and George?" Hawkeye cried. "You have to be kidding!"

"I saw them!" Frank protested. "They were playing with a wooden stick!"

Hawkeye looked up in mock interest. "You can get out of here for that? I should have been out of here long ago!"

Hot Lips gasped. "There is a lady present!" she shouted, incensed.

Hawkeye looked around. "Where?"

Frank stood up angrily. "Why you…"

"Hold it!" Henry bellowed. When there was silence, he continued. "I'll put in a call to Sidney Freedman. Will that make you happy?"

Frank gave a curt nod before he and Hot Lips stormed from Henry's office. Hawkeye and Trapper shared a worried look. "Uh, Henry, the twins aren't crazy," Hawkeye offered.

Henry sighed. "I know that! But I will do just about anything to get those two to shut up. So no arguments! The twins are being analyzed and that's the end of it! I'm sure they'll be fine."

Hawkeye and Trapper smiled weakly.


	11. Before Their Time

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** Sorry this chapter is kinda short, guys. Hope you enjoy anyway! **Mystical Witch**, you were close!

**DISCLAIMER** Don't own them still.

…

Fred and George sat down reluctantly in the VIP tent. "Guys," Henry began. "This is Dr. Freedman. Now, we don't think you're crazy, we just want to make sure. A war zone can do strange things to civilians." He gave them a fatherly smile. Fred snorted. Henry cast a glance at Sidney and left the VIP tent.

Sidney and the twins looked at each other for a moment. Finally, Sidney said, "First of all, why don't you two put your wands on the bed over there."

Fred and George gaped as Sidney removed his own wand from his jacket and put it on the bed. "You're a…?" George asked.

"A wizard, yes." Sidney smiled. "Graduated Salem Witches' Institute in 1922. Then went to Muggle school to get my psychiatry degree of course." He laughed. "Stop staring! You two didn't believe you were the only wizards in the area, did you? The Muggle government drafted many magic folk into the war. And we're not continuing this conversation until you both put down your wands." Still open-mouthed, the twins put their wands on the bed. "Thanks," Sidney said. "Now, why don't you explain what you're doing here?"

George blushed. "Well, we're inventors. We run a joke shop on Diagon Alley in London. You ever been to Diagon Alley?"

"Oh sure," Sidney replied. "But Shodan Alley in Tokyo is even better."

"Really?" The twins' eyes were shining.

"But enough of a tangent," Sidney said.

"Right. Well, me and George are inventors and George was messing around with things he shouldn't have…"

"I tried to turn a Time Turner into a portkey," George admitted.

Sidney started to laugh. It started as a chuckle and deepened into a rolling belly laugh. "You didn't!" he finally managed to say.

George nodded. "I did. And we ended up halfway around the world and 48 years in the past."

"48 years, huh?" Sidney thought for a minute. "1999 then?" The twins nodded. "I would have thought if you were smart enough to get an unlicensed Time Turner, you'd be smart enough to not get caught."

Fred glowered. "Frank Burns is too nosy for his own good."

Sidney had to laugh again. "Old Ferret Face."

His comment caused Fred and George to burst into hysterical laughter. Sidney watched them, confused. "What?"

"The amazing bouncing ferret!" George managed to squeak. It made Fred laugh harder. Sidney watched them with eyebrows raised until they had calmed down.

"So how are things there in 1999?" Sidney asked. When he saw the fallen faces of Fred and George, he asked, "What's happened?"

They sighed. Sidney was amazed that the two did almost everything identically. "This wizard rose to power in the 1980's. He killed everyone who stood up to him," George sighed.

"Who was it?"

George took a deep breath. "Voldemort," he said shakily.

"He was destroyed for years," Fred said. "But he came back. People died. Our friends, two of our brothers…" Fred trailed off. "A lot of people died."

"Wizarding wars bring just as much death as Muggle wars." Sidney studied them. "It was Avada Kedavra." It was not a question.

The twins nodded. "A lot of Crucio thrown in for fun," George added. "Both of us got that one."

"I imagine. So how does it feel to be in the middle of another war?"

The twins didn't meet his eyes. "It's difficult," Fred finally said. "Especially since George almost…well, I lost two brothers already and now almost my twin."

"You know," Sidney said. "Twins have always intrigued me. But, I guess not having a twin is a mystery to you two. You know, sometimes watching others to see how they deal with the war can be helpful. Even though your war is over, there are still things you can learn."

Fred just looked at Sidney. "What do you mean?"

"The effects of war can last long after it's over." Sidney nodded toward the door. "Out there are a lot of people who are going through what you went through already. Each one of them has their own way of dealing with it. How do you deal with it?"

The twins were quiet. They didn't want to say that they dealt by not dealing with it. Guiltily, they just looked at Sidney.

But he just smiled. "Just think about it." Standing up, he grabbed his wand and put it back in his jacket. "Now, I am going to track down Hawkeye and Trapper and see about a drink. Are you coming?"

The twins groaned at the thought of the Swampmen's homemade gin. "No thanks," George said weakly.

Sidney laughed. "Understandable. We'll talk again later." He left with a nod and the twins sat in silence.


	12. After the Fact

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** This is the last chapter in Korea – there's an epilogue to come in a few days about what the twins do when they get back to 1999. So I hope you've enjoyed this story and hope you enjoy this last little bit!

**DISCLAIMER** Yet again, I still don't own them.

…

"They aren't crazy."

Henry grinned. "Well then it's all settled! Thank you Major." He stood up to shake Sidney's hand.

"Colonel," Hot Lips spoke up. "I must protest!"

"Big surprise," Trapper grumbled.

Hot Lips glared. "Doctor Freedman, you can't possibly tell me that being in a war zone won't have an adverse effect on civilians! I'm worried for them as much as I'm worried for us."

"That's very kind of you, Major," Sidney said. "And I hear what you're saying. I'm planning on discussing with Fred and George their return home." He caught Hawkeye and Trapper exchanging a look. "I promise that they are in no immediate danger and will be long gone before they would be."

"See?" Henry added.

Hot Lips opened her moth, but Sidney cut her off. "Don't worry so much, Major! It only leads to premature gray hair. You wouldn't want that, now would you?"

Hot Lips put an unconscious hand to her hair, eliciting smirks from Hawkeye and Trapper. "Henry, you have my word," Sidney promised. "The Weasley boys will return home in no time."

"Good. Dismissed!" Henry said happily.

Hawkeye and Trapper followed Sidney out. "Hello boys," Sidney said.

"Hi," Hawkeye said, sounding slightly nervous. "So how did your talk with the twins go?"

Sidney smiled to himself. "It went fine."

"Find out anything interesting?" Trapper asked offhandedly.

"Why don't we go to the VIP tent and talk?" Sidney suggested. "I think prying ears shouldn't hear what's really wrong with the twins," he added with an ominous look.

"Uh-huh," Hawkeye said. He and Trapper followed the psychiatrist into the VIP tent somewhat apprehensively. "Look, Sidney," Hawkeye started.

But as soon as the tent door was closed, Sidney whirled around with his wand in hand. "Put your hands in the air!" he commanded. The two surgeons, too shocked to react, immediately threw their hands up. Sidney lost his composure and doubled over in laughter.

Hawkeye and Trapper just stared, flabbergasted. Once Sidney contained himself, he gasped, "I'm sorry! I just couldn't help it!"

"You…? You're a?" Hawkeye babbled.

"A wizard, yes." Sidney grinned and threw his wand on the bed. "I was living in New York when they drafted me. Even wizards can't avoid the draft board."

Hawkeye and Trapper sat down silently. They just watched Sidney in shock. "I guess not," Trapper finally said.

Sidney shrugged. "They saw that I'd studied psychiatry at a normal medical school and here I am."

"Why didn't you ever tell us?" asked Hawkeye.

"Well, we don't generally like Muggles to know we exist. Muggles are non-magic people," he quickly added.

Hawkeye nodded. "We're familiar with the term. The twins, uh, they explained it. How did you know we knew?"

"Boys," Sidney scolded. "I am still a psychiatrist, even if I am a wizard. You two obviously knew when I mentioned the Weasley boys going home."

Trapped looked at Sidney worriedly. "Any ideas on that? They told us that their time thing was broken."

Sidney's brow furrowed. "I'm worried about them," he admitted. "They've been through their own war and the effects are wearing on them. Being back in a war zone isn't helping."

"Can you fix their machine?" Hawkeye asked.

Sidney shrugged. "Time Turners were never my specialty. The Ministry only lets certain people have access to them."

"The Ministry?"

"The Ministry of Magic. It's our form of government – every country has their own."

"What about going to South Korea's Ministry?" Trapper suggested. "Wouldn't they help?"

Sidney shook his head. "What Fred and George did was highly illegal. The South Korean Ministry hasn't figured out that they're here yet. The same goes for their own Ministry in England. If they were found out…" Sidney shuddered.

"Bad?" Hawkeye asked.

"The Wizard prison in England is legendary. No one who goes in there ever gets out."

Hawkeye swallowed nervously. "Well I just operated on the kid; I can't let him get thrown in some awful prison."

"Then it's settled." Sidney stood up and pocketed his wand. "The sooner they are returned, the better. Let's go find them." The surgeons nodded and followed him.

…

The Time Turner sat, repaired, on Hawkeye's cot. Sidney, Fred, George, Hawkeye, and Trapper stood silently around it. It was 3:00 in the morning. Most of the camp was asleep. Frank was on Post-Op duty.

"Did you say good-bye to everyone?" Hawkeye asked.

"Henry, Radar, Klinger, Ginger," George listed.

"And Major Burns," Fred added, smirking.

"He'll get his good-bye the next time he tries to shave," George said innocently.

Hawkeye, Trapper, and Sidney all laughed. Sidney shook the twins' hands. "Good luck boys! That Time Turner won't work again after this, so please set it right. And don't go playing with them or portkeys again!'

"Thank you for fixing it, Doctor," Fred said.

Sidney smiled. "Anytime."

George's eyes were somber. "Doctor, please promise that if you're still alive in the 80's, you won't follow V-Voldemort," he said with great difficulty. "There is nothing good about him."

Sidney hesitated, but nodded. "I promise."

Visibly relieved by that promise, the twins turned to the two doctors who'd cared so much for them. "Thanks Hawkeye, for operating on me," George said.

"Eh, it was nothing."

"And thanks for letting us live here," Fred added.

"Thank you for all your help!" Trapper said. The twins snickered. "Good luck on your trip," Trapper said, shaking their hands.

"Let me know you get back safely," Hawkeye said as he too shook hands.

George nodded. "We'll find a way."

"Attention all personnel! Incoming wounded – both medical shifts to OR on the double!"

Hawkeye rushed for the door. "Boys, good luck!"

"You too!" Fred said. Then they were gone. In the flurry of activity that followed, no one noticed the identical twins turning a small hourglass over and over and suddenly disappearing from the Swamp.


	13. Epilogue

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** This is it, guys! The epilogue! Thank you SO much to everyone who has reviewed, especially Morph, bluelilly, AEM1, Mystical Witch, and Lady-Drea. Thank you so much for your support!

**DISCLAIMER** I made up Molly, but all of the other characters belong to either JKR or whoever owns MASH.

…

Sunlight dappled the street. With a loud crack, Fred and George apparated into an exceptionally thick patch of trees. They walked out onto the road and looked at the mailboxes as they passed.

"So this America, is it?" Fred asked as they walked.

"Mmhmm. A place called Maine. One of the northern states." George looked around. "It's pretty."

"Yeah. Come on, the book Dad got us said he lived on this street."

They wandered down the sidewalk, idly looked at names on mailboxes. "I wish we could have seen Dr. Freedman again," Fred said sadly.

"Yeah," George agreed. "But at least he kept his promise." Sidney Freedman had been murdered by an American Death Eater after openly fighting Voldemort from overseas. The twins felt both sad and guilty over his death.

Finally, they stopped. Looking at a small white house, George asked, "Are you ready?" Fred nodded and together they knocked on the door.

A middle-aged woman opened the door. "Oh! Hello boys," she said. "Can I help you?"

"Uh…we're looking for Dr. Pierce?"

Suddenly they heard a deep laugh come from inside the house. Let them in, Molly!"

Molly eyed them for a minute. "Dr. Pierce is my father. He says come in." She led them into the living room. A much older Hawkeye Pierce sat in a green armchair.

He grinned when he saw them. "I've been waiting for you two!"

They grinned. As soon as Hawkeye's daughter left the room, they sat on an old couch. "You named your daughter Molly?" George asked. "Did we ever tell you that that's our mother's name?"

Hawkeye shrugged. "You might have mentioned it." He turned somber. "I wasn't sure if I'd still be around when you two were _really_ around and I wanted to make sure you knew I remembered you."

The twins smiled. "That's nice."

"So, how was the trip back?" Hawkeye asked excitedly.

Fred and George laughed. "Pretty short," George answered. "A hop through time, a quick apparation, and we're home."

"How are you?" Fred asked. "Whatever happened to everyone?"

Hawkeye leaned back. "I haven't spoken to Trapper in years. He was sent home not long after you left. Frank finally went crazy after Hot Lips got married and was sent home."

The twins snickered. "What a pity," George said. "What about Klinger and Radar and Henry?"

Hawkeye smiled a little. "You'll never believe this, but Klinger stayed in Korea."

"You're right," Fred said. "We don't believe it."

"No, he married a Korean woman. And Radar was discharged after his uncle died."

"What about Henry?" George pressed.

Hawkeye sighed and looked sadly at the twins. "Boys, you know that the sad thing about war is that not everyone makes it home." The twins were quiet as Hawkeye continued. "Henry was discharged for how long he'd served. But as he was flying home, the enemy shot his plane down." Hawkeye's eyes filled with tears. "He never made it."

Fred and George were silent. They remembered the kind, jovial Lieutenant Colonel, with his fishing hat, as though he had just been there. In reality, he'd passed away before they were born. "He was a good man," Fred said.

Hawkeye nodded. "That he was."

The twins stayed with their old friend for most of the day. But as the sun sank behind the pine trees, the twins knew it was time to leave. "We're so happy to see you again, Hawkeye," George said.

"I'm glad to see you boys, too. You remind me of my youth."

The twins smiled. "Thanks, Hawkeye," Fred said.

"For what?"

"For teaching us how to get through a war," George answered. "Even a few that are already over."

Hawkeye nodded. "Don't mention it." He grinned. "You boys want a drink before you go?"

"No!" the twins cried immediately. Hawkeye laughed heartily.

As the twins went for the door, Hawkeye stood up. He retrieved a book from the couch. "Boys, I've been reading this book and I was wondering if I could see you leave, you know, your way?"

Fred and George looked at the book in Hawkeye's hand and burst out laughing. "Where did you find that?" George asked.

"eBay!" Hawkeye replied proudly.

The twins shook their heads. "All right," Fred said. "Here we go. Good-bye Hawkeye!"

"Good-bye boys."

With a loud crack, the twins disapparated and disappeared. Hawkeye laughed gleefully. "Amazing!"

Molly came running in. "What was that noise? Dad, are you okay?"

"Yes, yes dear. Don't worry." Then Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce settled himself in his armchair and opened Hogwarts, A History to page 394.


End file.
